中年男人警惕“年龄恐惧症”

典型案例

大明今年45岁了。他23岁大学毕业时就来到这个单位,至今已经整整22年了,目前还只是个副主任科员。如果近一两年还提不上去,他可能很难再有什么机会了。但是偏偏今年单位新调来的同事,工作状态都很不错,大明觉得自己升迁的机会不是很大。

这种忧虑,大明也没办法跟妻子说,因为她帮不上忙,只会唠叨添乱。以前他还会跟同事说说,偶尔在网上发发牢骚,最近他连倾诉的欲望都没有了。

大明对年龄的恐惧,似乎是在一夜之间到来的。在不久前的同学聚会上,他也特别苦闷,看着同学们开着名车,一身名牌在他眼前晃,这种刺激对他来说真是受不了,也造成了他很大的心理压力。大明越来越感到自己很没用,奋斗了大半辈子竟一事无成。

他常常胡思乱想,比如自己是否应该换个工作,或干脆辞职下海经商,或移民加拿大、澳大利亚什么的,他总是焦躁地想,他再不改变,肯定坐火箭都赶不上他的同学,也赶不上这个消费日益高涨的时代。

但是无论大明怎样彻夜不眠,怎样沮丧,都赶不走他年龄越来越大的现实。他突然觉得自己在这个年纪,许多梦想已经远逝,没有实现的仿佛永远也不可能再实现。他实在不知道该怎么说服自己了。

心理分析

对于许多中年男人而言,最看重的是事业上的成就。像大明这样,事业上没有特别突出的成就,或者遇上困境、瓶颈,都会对自己年龄渐大、事业未成的境况产生悲观、消极情绪,这就是所谓的“年龄恐惧症”,也就是心理专家所说的“中年危机”。

此症最大的信号,就是自身的沮丧感,并伴随着失眠或者嗜睡,食欲下降,总觉得不舒服。令人困扰的生活事件往往会加剧这种沮丧感,并会开始怀疑人生的一切,人生态度也变得比从前消极,加重了人到中年、风雨飘零的感觉。这类男人常常会选择沉默与逃避来对待,情况严重者,甚至会选择自杀作为逃避方法。

不过,有适当心理准备的人,都能平稳地渡过中年危机的波涛。

心理处方

人到中年后,关键要重新调整自己的方向。要逐渐由关注身外之物变为更多地关注自己的心灵,逐渐领悟到人生的智慧,这样才能减轻心理压力。中年男人能否真正消解“年龄恐惧症”,就要在财、情、名等方面“放得下”。

当然,人出于本能,会不断提高自己的人生期望值。这自然有其积极意义,它是个人进取、社会进步的一种心理驱动力。但“物极必反”。一味不切实际地以过高的期望值来对待人生,也许正是有些人每天都在郁闷愁怨的心理困境中消磨宝贵时光,终生不能享受生活的快乐和幸福的心理根源。期望值越高,心理上的情绪冲突越大,这是社会心理学的一个结论。

另外,大明无论工作再忙,都应该保留着每天看书、学习的习惯。对抗浮躁最简单的办法,就是在知识中寻找强大的力量。自身内心强大的人不易受环境的影响。

如果压抑、沮丧的心理已经影响身体,对大明来说不妨安排一次长假,回到少年时的故乡去看看,也可以到异域小岛休息调整一下状态。

Typical Case

Daming is 45 years old this year. He came to this unit when he graduated from college at the age of 23. It has been 22 years since he was currently only a deputy chief officer. If he fails to mention it in the past one or two years, it may be difficult for him to have any chance. However, the newly transferred colleagues from the unit this year are in good working conditions. Daming feels that his chances of promotion are not great.

Daming can’t tell his wife about this kind of worries, because she can’t help and will only make trouble. He used to tell his colleagues that he occasionally complained on the Internet. Recently, he didn’t even have the desire to talk.

Daming’s fear of age seemed to come overnight. At the recent classmate gathering, he was also very depressed. He watched his classmates driving famous cars and brand-name brands dangling in front of him. This kind of stimulation was really unbearable for him, and it also caused him a lot of psychological pressure. Daming felt more and more useless. After fighting for most of his life, he did nothing.

He often thinks wildly, such as whether he should change his job, or simply quit his job and go to the sea to do business, or immigrate to Canada or Australia. Times of upsurge.

But no matter how Da Ming stays up all night and how frustrated, he will not be able to drive away the reality of his growing age. He suddenly felt that at this age, many dreams have passed away, and those that have not been realized seem to be never realized again. He really didn’t know how to convince himself.

Psychoanalysis

For many middle-aged men, the most important thing is career achievement. Like Daming, if there is no outstanding achievement in career, or when encountering difficulties or bottlenecks, they will have pessimistic and negative emotions about their growing age and unsuccessful career situation. This is the so-called “age phobia”, which is a psychologist. The so-called “middle-age crisis.”

The biggest signal of this disease is one’s own depression, accompanied by insomnia or drowsiness, decreased appetite, and always feel uncomfortable. Disturbing life events tend to exacerbate this feeling of depression and begin to doubt everything in life. The attitude towards life has become more negative than before, which aggravates the feeling of wind and rain in middle age. Such men often choose silence and avoidance. In serious cases, they may even choose suicide as an escape method.

However, anyone with proper psychological preparation can smoothly tide over the waves of the mid-life crisis.

psychological prescription

After people reach middle age, the key is to readjust their direction. It is necessary to gradually change from paying attention to things outside the body to paying more attention to one’s own soul, and gradually realize the wisdom of life, so as to reduce the psychological pressure. Whether middle-aged men can really resolve the “age phobia”, it is necessary to “let go” in terms of finances, affection, and fame.

Of course, people will continue to improve their life expectations out of instinct. This naturally has its positive meaning, it is a kind of psychological driving force for personal progress and social progress. But “things must be reversed.” Blindly treating life with excessively high expectations may be the reason why some people spend their precious time in the depressed and sad psychological dilemma every day, and cannot enjoy the joy and happiness of life throughout their lives. The higher the expected value, the greater the psychological emotional conflict, which is a conclusion of social psychology.

In addition, no matter how busy Daming is at work, he should keep the habit of reading and studying every day. The easiest way to fight impetuosity is to find a powerful force in knowledge. People with strong hearts are not easily affected by the environment.

If the depressed and depressed psychology has already affected the body, it is a good idea for Daming to arrange a long vacation and go back to his hometown when he was a teenager. You can also take a rest on a foreign island to adjust your state.

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