幸福婚姻男人谨记八条

要想获得幸福的婚姻，夫妻间必须注意8个禁忌。

1、不要胡乱猜疑。不要以为你对爱人的想法和感觉了如指掌，十有八九，你会出错。在婚姻危机中，常常出现这种情景：捕风捉影的怀疑让两个人都变得愤怒、难以沟通，最后关系破裂。

建议：取一张纸，按照直觉直接完成句子“我猜爱人会____认为我(对我)”。然后，跟爱人验证猜测的正确性。结果你会发现很多猜想都是错的。遇到疑问时，最好的办法是直接问他。

2、不要认为爱人为你做的事理所应当。对爱人表达感激非常重要，要消除三大消极态度：权利感、不切实际的期待和故作健忘。

建议：写下爱人为你所做的大事小事。自问是否对这些事情表达过感谢，表达方式如何。坚持表达感谢1周，你会发现其中的变化。

3、不要相互埋怨。“全是你的错！”“你让我做的，因为你，事情才弄得一塌糊涂！”如此的埋怨很容易说出口。而“我该负什么责任”之类的话则很少出口。埋怨实际表达的是指责和威胁，对方也自然会以牙还牙，导致矛盾升级。

建议：写下你对爱人埋怨的话，然后扪心自问，自查责任，最后双方商量寻求解决办法。

4、不要胡乱解释。“我现在算是理解你为啥这么挑剔了，你就像你爸爸。”这类貌似理解爱人行为动机的分析只会导致愤怒。

建议：先了解自己生气的原因，学会以开放和爱护的方式去倾听爱人的观点，以目光等非言语方式让爱人明白你在认真倾听，最后提出建设性建议。

5、不要害怕说“不”。牺牲自我感受而一味满足对方的做法，看似有益，实则是不真诚的表现。而缺乏真诚的婚姻很难有亲密可言。

建议：实话实说更能赢得爱人的信任，加深夫妻感情。不妨按难易程度列出所有害怕告诉爱人的事。之后，从最简单的一件开始，试着告诉爱人真相。

6、不要把沉默当武器。夫妻关系中，沉默是致命武器。

建议：给爱人写封信，表达生气的原因和自己的困扰，用积极的态度争取夫妻的沟通理解。

7、不要故意挑衅。选择在情感或身体上放纵自己的行为，更像是一种挑衅。比如抑郁、胡乱花钱、自杀等。

建议：找个双方能心平气和交谈30分钟的地方，然后弄清楚自己的什么行为在给爱人添堵，逐条自我反省。

8、不要藐视爱人。夫妻之间应避免一些降低对方自我价值的话。比如，“你怎么这么懒！”等。

建议：列出所有“你如何如何”的句子，然后把“你”换成“我”，尝试用“我”开头的句子与爱人沟通。

To achieve a happy marriage, couples must pay attention to 8 taboos.

1. Don’t be suspicious. Don’t think that you know your thoughts and feelings about your loved one. You can make mistakes. In the marriage crisis, this kind of situation often occurs: the suspicion of catching the wind and the shadows makes both people angry and difficult to communicate, and finally the relationship breaks down.

Suggestion: Take a piece of paper and follow the intuition to complete the sentence “I guess my lover will ____ think of me (to me)”. Then, verify the correctness of the guess with your lover. As a result, you will find that many conjectures are wrong. When in doubt, the best way is to ask him directly.

2. Don’t think that what your lover does for you should be right. It is very important to express gratitude to your lover, and to eliminate three negative attitudes: a sense of power, unrealistic expectations, and deliberate forgetfulness.

Suggestion: Write down the big things and small things your loved one has done for you. Ask yourself if you have expressed gratitude for these things and how you expressed them. Keep expressing gratitude for 1 week and you will find the changes.

3. Don’t blame each other. “It’s all your fault!” “You let me do it because of you, things are messed up!” Such complaints are easy to say. Words like “what should I bear” are rarely exported. Complaining that the actual expressions are accusations and threats, and the other party will naturally pay back teeth, leading to escalation of contradictions.

Recommendations: Write down your complaint to your lover, then ask yourself, check your responsibilities, and finally discuss the solution.

4. Don’t explain indiscriminately. “I now understand why you are so picky, you are like your dad.” This type of analysis that seems to understand the motivation of the lover’s behavior will only lead to anger.

Recommendations: First understand the reasons for your anger, learn to listen to your lover’s opinions in an open and loving way, let your lover understand that you are listening carefully, and finally put forward constructive suggestions.

5. Don’t be afraid to say “no”. Sacrificing one’s self-satisfaction and blindly satisfying the other party may seem beneficial, but it is insincere. It is difficult to have an intimate marriage without a sincere marriage.

Recommendation: To be honest, you can win the trust of your lover and deepen the relationship between husband and wife. May wish to list all the things you are afraid to tell your lover according to the degree of difficulty. After that, starting with the simplest one, try to tell your lover the truth.

6. Don’t use silence as a weapon. In the relationship between husband and wife, silence is a deadly weapon.

Recommendations: Write a letter to your lover, express the reason of anger and your own troubles, and strive for communication and understanding of the couple with a positive attitude.

7. Do not deliberately provoke. Choosing to indulge yourself emotionally or physically is more provocative. Such as depression, indiscriminate spending, suicide, etc.

Recommendation: Find a place where both parties can calm down and talk for 30 minutes, then figure out what your behavior is adding to your lover, and reflect on one by one.

8. Don’t despise your lover. Husbands and wives should avoid words that reduce their self-worth. For example, “Why are you so lazy!”

Recommendation: List all “how do you” sentences, then replace “you” with “me”, try to use the sentence beginning with “me” to communicate with your lover.

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