一位女士哭着问：“老公在外面找的几个女人的相貌都不如我，为什么他这么贱？老公平时连我都满足不了，凭什么还去玩别的女人？”这是一些良家妇女的困惑。也有一些女性问：“我跟他一起创业，现在我全心持家，他为什么背叛我，时常跟那些狐狸精(身材容貌较好者)鬼混？他还有良心吗？”对于这些疑惑，我们不妨从生理和心理方面进行分析，才有可能找到答案。
男人的婚外性行为，一般包括嫖娼、一夜情、婚外情人、包二奶等，可以说这些都是不道德或违法的行为，应予谴责或法律制裁。但谴责和制裁到今天仍然未能解决问题，反而愈演愈烈，究竟是什么原因呢？我们通过十几年来对性病患者、有婚外性行为者的问询调查，总结出其出轨的心理因素有如下几方面：
一是好奇心理。好奇心人皆有之，在性的方面，男人更具有探索精神。如果仅仅在夫妻之间进行探索，将为合法的性生活增添色彩。但有些自控能力较弱的男性，在“老婆是这样的，别的女人会是怎样的呢？”这样的未知之谜的吸引下，就会出现婚外性行为。如果发现与别的女人做爱跟与老婆做爱没什么两样，或者不如老婆，而且还可能引发一些麻烦，那他可能会就此罢手了。如果发现“野花”的味道确实不一样，而且他又有一定的经济能力或魅力的话，那他也可能沉迷其中。
二是冒险心理。所谓“妻不如妾，妾不如婢，婢不如偷”中的后两句就是冒险心理的一种写照。通常男人比女人更富有冒险精神，倘若用在夫妻生活上，也许能创造出一些新花样，或者为夫妻生活调动情趣。但若用在别的女人身上就会出问题。有的男人在性冒险过程中遇到挫折——比如出现性功能障碍，染上或惧怕性病等，可能会回归家庭。有的男人以冒险为乐，那就危险了。还有个别男人只有在性冒险中才能获得性快感或者超常的性感受，他就可能屡犯不改。
三是征服心理。征服欲男女都有，谈恋爱时男的把女的追到手，或女的将男的收于石榴裙下，都属于征服心理的满足。结婚之后，有些男人为了显示本事，或为了寻找自信，或因为色心不绝，都会以征服其他女人来满足其征服欲。征服女人的“性”目的分几个方面：(1)俘获女人的心和身。(2)只想占有女人的身体。(3)在性爱中令女人欲生欲死，以彰显自己的性能力。(4)还有一个特别现象，有些男人喜欢观赏女人的性反应——尤其是性高潮反应，便通过征服不同的女人来观察，甚至通过嫖妓来达到目的。在这方面，《金瓶梅》中的西门庆是个典型。他家中有六房妻妾，还要淫人妻女、包养娼妓，与西门庆有过性关系的女人有十 几个，他就是通过不断征服女人来满足自己的，越难得到手的女人，就越能激起他的征服欲。
四是补偿心理。男人出现补偿心理的诱因分如下几种：(1)妻子由于性功能障碍、性心理障碍、伤病等原因不能满足丈夫，或者由于性观念错误而不愿意满足丈夫，甚至以性惩罚来作为解决夫妻矛盾的手段。(2)妻子或身材相貌较差、或年老色衰、或伤病致残等等。(3)妻子霸道、凶恶，严重挫伤丈夫的自尊心，易使丈夫受外面的温情引诱，进而发展到性关系，甚至婚变。(4)丈夫性欲过强，妻子难以满足。
五是报复心理。因妻子红杏出墙、或不是处女之身，又或曾经被女性玩弄感情而产生的性报复，以求心理平衡。
六是好胜心理。在某些场合，朋友上了，自己畏缩就太丢架子了，结果是面子害人；或在与别人的打赌、鼓动下，好强而为之。
七是被胁迫心理。与领导一起出席色情场所，领导上了，自己不上难免会失去领导的信任，只好同流合污。
八是动物性本能。大多数动物并不实行“一夫一妻制”，人的本质上也存在这种动物属性；当社会约束不起作用时，就会露出动物的本来面目。比如在别的女人主动追求、色诱下，不能经受投怀送抱的考验，终致失身、失节等等。
九是玩乐心理。一些男人受到西方淫乐思潮，或及时行乐思想，或三妻四妾的旧观念的影响，不能克制淫乐意识和欲望，不能抵御社会上那些歪风邪气的诱惑，道德沦丧，以玩弄女人为乐。有的女性好逸恶劳、贪恋钱财、追求享乐、不讲道德等，也是导致男人性出轨的原因。
从上面的分析中了解到婚外性行为的一些内在因素后，针对这些因素采取相应的措施，将有可能减少或者避免男人的婚外性行为。具体而言，男人自行或者由妻子将其好奇心、冒险精神、征服欲等引导到事业上、工作中，以减少男人外向的性冲动；也可将其引导到夫妻生活中来，比如夫妇双方都要提高个人修养，培养优良气质，通过不断学习来增加内涵；妻子平时注意仪容，适当装扮，充分展现女性的魅力，在房间内更要提高性感和性吸引力，摸清男人的心思和性需求规律，灵活应用性技巧，逐步提高性爱艺术，时常变换性爱花样，以满足男人性需求，从而也满足了女方的需求。另外，在给予男人适当空间的同时，也要适时约束男方涉足娱乐场所的自由度，避免其“常在河边走，哪有不湿鞋”。妻子如有性功能障碍或性心理障碍等影响性生活的问题，应及时处理，以改善夫妻生活。夫妻矛盾应该通过讨论、交流思想、互相让步来解决，妻子不能常以不过性生活来作为要挟和制裁男人的手段，就算偶尔不接受男方的性要求，也应当作出合理的说明，并改天主动示爱，以免男人饥不择食。最后特别指出的是，男人应当注意对腐朽思想的改造，讲究道德，注重夫妻忠实；增强对“香花臭草”的免疫力，主动避开色情诱惑，避免涉足色情场所；牢记旧爱，关心体贴妻子，共同营造美满的婚姻生活。
A woman cried and asked, “The women the husband looks for are not as good as me. Why is he so cheap? I can’t even be satisfied when the husband is fair. Why should I play with other women?” These are some good women. Confused. Some women also asked: “I started a business with him, and now I am wholeheartedly keeping my family. Why does he betray me and often fooled with those fox spirits (the ones with better looks)? Does he still have a conscience?” Only by analyzing the physical and psychological aspects can we find the answer.
Men’s extramarital sex generally includes prostitutes, one-night stands, extramarital lovers, and mistresses, etc. It can be said that these are unethical or illegal acts and should be condemned or punished by law. But the condemnation and sanctions still haven’t solved the problem today. Instead, they are intensifying. What is the reason? We have surveyed STD patients and extramarital sex actors for more than ten years, and concluded that the psychological factors of their derailment are as follows:
One is curiosity. Curiosity is common to all men. In terms of sex, men are more exploratory. If you only explore between husband and wife, it will add color to the legal sex life. However, some men with weak self-control ability will attract extra-marital sex when they are attracted by the unknown mystery such as “wife is like this, what about other women?” If he finds that having sex with another woman is the same as having sex with his wife, or that it is not as good as his wife, and may cause some trouble, then he may stop there. If he finds that the taste of “wildflowers” is indeed different, and he has a certain economic ability or charm, then he may also be addicted to it.
Second is the risk psychology. The last two sentences in the so-called “wife is worse than concubine, concubine is worse than maid, and maid is worse than stealing” is a portrayal of risk-taking psychology. Usually men are more adventurous than women. If they are used in the lives of couples, they may be able to create some new tricks or mobilize the fun for their lives. But if it is used on other women, there will be problems. Some men encounter setbacks during sexual adventures-such as sexual dysfunction, infection or fear of sexually transmitted diseases, etc., may return to the family. Some men take pleasure in adventure, then it is dangerous. There are also some men who can obtain sexual pleasure or extraordinary sexual feelings only during sexual adventures, and he may make repeated mistakes.
The third is to conquer the psychology. There are both men and women who want to conquer. When dating, a man chasing a woman or a man putting a man under a pomegranate skirt is a psychological satisfaction of conquering. After marriage, some men will satisfy their desire to conquer in order to show their ability, or to find self-confidence, or because of their perseverance. The purpose of conquering a woman’s “sex” is divided into several aspects: (1) capture the woman’s heart and body. (2) Just want to possess the woman’s body. (3) In sex, make women want to live and die to show their sexual ability. (4) There is also a special phenomenon. Some men like to watch a woman’s sexual response—especially the orgasm reaction. They will observe by conquering different women, and even achieve their goals through prostitutes. In this respect, Xi Menqing in “Jin Ping Mei” is a typical example. There are six-room wives and concubines in his family, and there are more than a dozen women who have sex with Ximen Qing and prostitutes. He is to satisfy himself by conquering women continuously. The harder it is for a woman to get a hand, the better Stimulated his desire to conquer.
The fourth is compensation psychology. There are several incentives for men to appear compensatory psychology: (1) The wife cannot satisfy her husband due to sexual dysfunction, sexual psychological disorder, injury or other reasons, or is unwilling to satisfy her husband due to wrong sexual concepts, and even uses sexual punishment as a solution The contradiction between husband and wife. (2) The wife or body is of poor appearance, old age, decay, or disability, etc. (3) The wife is overbearing and fierce, which severely dampens her husband’s self-esteem, and it is easy for her husband to be lured by the warmth from outside, and then develops into sexual relations and even marriage changes. (4) The husband’s sexual desire is too strong, and his wife is difficult to satisfy.
Fifth is revenge. Sexual revenge caused by his wife Hongxing coming out of the wall, or not being a virgin, or having been used by women to play with emotions in order to seek psychological balance.
Six is a good psychology. On some occasions, when a friend gets up, he will cringe when he is too cramped, and the result is a face that hurts others; or, after betting and inspiring with others, he is so strong.
Seven is the coercion. Attending the pornographic place with the leader. When the leader gets on, he will inevitably lose the trust of the leader, so he has to contaminate him.
Eight is animal instinct. Most animals do not practice “monogamy”, and humans also have such animal properties in essence; when social restraints do not work, the original face of the animals will be revealed. For example, under other women’s active pursuit and lust, they can’t stand the test of giving and embracing.
Nine is the play psychology. Some men are influenced by the Western trend of kinky music, or the idea of timely music, or the old ideas of three wives and four concubines. . Some women’s easy work, craving for money, pursuit of pleasure, and lack of morality are also the reasons that cause men’s sexual derailment.
After understanding some internal factors of extramarital sex from the above analysis, taking corresponding measures against these factors will likely reduce or avoid the extramarital sex of men. Specifically, a man guides his curiosity, adventurous spirit, conquest, etc. to his career or work by himself or his wife, to reduce the man ’s extroverted sexual impulses; it can also be directed to the life of the couple, such as the couple It is necessary to improve personal self-cultivation, cultivate good temperament, and increase connotation through continuous learning; the wife usually pays attention to appearance and proper dressing to fully display the charm of women, and in the room, it is necessary to increase the sexiness and sexual attractiveness, and find out the mind and sex of men The law of demand, the flexible application of sexual skills, and gradually improve the art of sex, often changing the pattern of sex to meet the needs of men’s sex, and thus also meet the needs of women. In addition, while giving men proper space, they should also restrain the man ’s freedom to enter the entertainment venue in a timely manner, so as to avoid his “frequent walking by the river, how can there be no wet shoes”. If the wife has sexual dysfunction or sexual dysfunction and other issues that affect sexual life, they should be dealt with in time to improve the couple’s life. The contradiction between husband and wife should be resolved through discussion, exchange of ideas, and concessions. The wife cannot often use sexual life as a means to threaten and punish men. Even if he occasionally does not accept the sexual requirements of the man, he should make a reasonable explanation and show his love someday. , So as not to make men hungry. Finally, it is particularly pointed out that men should pay attention to the transformation of decayed thoughts, pay attention to morality, and pay attention to their loyalty; strengthen their immunity to “fragrant flowers and stinky grass”, actively avoid pornographic temptations, and avoid getting involved in pornographic places; Wife, work together to create a happy marriage life.
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